Journal 0009

Sitting in the reception of the engineering counsel right now.

The receptionist is talking on the phone with someone in a hushed tone, I’m about one hundred percent sure it’s not work related.

It’s 2:34 now and my meeting was scheduled for 2:30. Does that bug me? A little, yeah.

Oh well, the reason I’m even sitting here is to go over my options for the upcoming years. Failing a course is like a fucking black mark and now I’m in rapid clean up mode trying to patch it over and make sure that I still get to graduate.

It’s probably going to mean that I end up having gone to so an extra semester of school. Which isn’t awful but means I’ll be graduating in 2020.

Jesus. Thst doesn’t even sound like a real year. It’s just so far away that I can’t comprehend it.

I’m scared. Sitting here waiting to hear about my future is terrifying.

I had to plan out the next four years of education I’m doing this morning and I tell you… That was weird and scary and gross.

I really just want to be with my SO right now, watching TV or just hanging out. I feel bad, they’re going through a lot right now and I’m just sitting around scared that this relationship is going to turn out like my last two.

With me just either done with someone or broken. Haha, isn’t that a great thing to think about?

2:38 now and still nothing. What’s the point in scheduling a time if the meeting isn’t going to happen.

I’m going to say something at 2:40 to the receptionist but I’ll probably just get terse response back.

Someone walked in and they’re talking to the receptionist…. Oh well there goes my action plan.

I really just want to get this meeting over with. I started playing a new game that I saw over my friends shoulder.

It’s called Dueyst and is really fun. It’s essentially a TCG mixed with a TRPG. It reminds me of Chain Chronicles a mobile game by Square Enix, except with more complicity and diverse game play.

I’m looking forward to exploring the meta and getting into it. Also destroying my friends. That’s important to me.

2:43 now and I will be –

Had the meeting and summited my forms to be signed. Smoked about three cigarettes on my walk there and back. Hahahaha.


Journal 0008

Started classes today, it was a struggle to fall asleep the night before as well. Partly because of the panic and anxiety (exasperated by my lack of smoking and also overall soberness) and partly because of the lack of my girlfriend. It’s really odd trying to fall asleep by yourself after you’ve gotten used to sleeping with someone else.

The lack of human connection and just having someone near you really throws you off, and you think to yourself “This is stupid, I used to sleep alone all the time, why is this an issue now?”, but you know that’s because sleeping with someone else is so much better it’s ridiculous.

Anyways, enough of my rambling and going off talking about shit that no one wants to hear about. I’m probably not going to be aniblogging anything this season, as I really need to buckle down and do well on my classes this year. It’s probably not going to happen, but I would rather not start something than give it up again.

I will be updating my novels though throughout the semester as they’ve been on my mind and I really do want to keep writing. I’ve also a couple of ideas for a short one act that seems like it would fun.

If I do end up running it, I’ll hand it off to my girlfriend to direct (she’s actually in the theatre program so it makes more sense for her to do, than I). I won’t really talk about it here, as I’m worried if I do she might find it online and than also as a consequence find this blog. I’ve been trying to keep this one private and for myself so I’m not going to be sharing it with other people.

That’s probably not going to happen either. I’m such an attention whore that I’ll probably talk about while drunk and then end up showing it to people. Than I’m stuck with people knowing about it and not feeling like I can use to post about things in my life that are more personal. Or my angsty poetry, because you know that I do tend to post a lot of that.

Oh well, I’m rambling again. I’m not sure exactly what I’m doing with my life, you know? I feel like I’m just slowly sinking into a long life that’s going to be… sucky? Awful? Who knows. I’m just scared of being stuck in a stupid office job hating it every single second of my life.


This has gotten depressing.

I miss my girlfriend.

Oh well.