Started classes today, it was a struggle to fall asleep the night before as well. Partly because of the panic and anxiety (exasperated by my lack of smoking and also overall soberness) and partly because of the lack of my girlfriend. It’s really odd trying to fall asleep by yourself after you’ve gotten used to sleeping with someone else.
The lack of human connection and just having someone near you really throws you off, and you think to yourself “This is stupid, I used to sleep alone all the time, why is this an issue now?”, but you know that’s because sleeping with someone else is so much better it’s ridiculous.
Anyways, enough of my rambling and going off talking about shit that no one wants to hear about. I’m probably not going to be aniblogging anything this season, as I really need to buckle down and do well on my classes this year. It’s probably not going to happen, but I would rather not start something than give it up again.
I will be updating my novels though throughout the semester as they’ve been on my mind and I really do want to keep writing. I’ve also a couple of ideas for a short one act that seems like it would fun.
If I do end up running it, I’ll hand it off to my girlfriend to direct (she’s actually in the theatre program so it makes more sense for her to do, than I). I won’t really talk about it here, as I’m worried if I do she might find it online and than also as a consequence find this blog. I’ve been trying to keep this one private and for myself so I’m not going to be sharing it with other people.
That’s probably not going to happen either. I’m such an attention whore that I’ll probably talk about while drunk and then end up showing it to people. Than I’m stuck with people knowing about it and not feeling like I can use to post about things in my life that are more personal. Or my angsty poetry, because you know that I do tend to post a lot of that.
Oh well, I’m rambling again. I’m not sure exactly what I’m doing with my life, you know? I feel like I’m just slowly sinking into a long life that’s going to be… sucky? Awful? Who knows. I’m just scared of being stuck in a stupid office job hating it every single second of my life.
This has gotten depressing.
I miss my girlfriend.