Journal 0025

Wow, that last one got into a dark place. I guess that’s why you’re not supposed to drink and be sad at the same time eh?

I want to say that I don’t really know what overtook me, but I do. I still miss them so much and I hate it. A mate of mine told me last night that, sure time helps but it can still only do so much. That had me thinking, this entire time I’ve been hoping beyond hope that I’m just going to wake up one day and feel better, and sure, looking back at my other breakups that is what it felt like in hindsight.

But I’m not looking back on this, I’m looking forwards and that means that I have to take every step towards feeling better myself. If I want to feel better sooner, I have to walk faster, it’s as simple as that. I can’t just sit around and wait for myself to feel better, because that’s going to take ages. No, I have to take things into my own hands and actually force myself to take steps towards feeling better.

But yeah, I guess I should go more into last night.

Looking back, I think the reason I got into that place was the fact that I was drinking with all of my friends. It’s not their faults, not at all. It was just the environment of drinking in my old house, where I really fell in love with my ex-partner just brought back all of these emotions. They overtook me, and I was just brought down.

I remember sitting there, writing that post as my friends are laughing and having fun and I just felt awful. I felt like the worst person in the world and that no one would ever love me again.

I made some posts then too on Tumblr. About how I’m alone, and that I have to come to terms with that. About how no one’s ever cared about me, and that I only have myself to blame for this all.

And, now the day after, I can’t shake the thought that those were correct. I hope they aren’t, but they might be.

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