I take a deep breath and shake my head trying to clear the haze in my mind from the alcohol. He’s staring at me, waiting for the next thing I’m going to say. We both know what it’s going to be. The entire mon- hell year has been coming to this.

I close my eyes and I can see the two of us splitting a bottle of champagne on my porch. The sun had just set and the warm buzz in my head makes me smile. I turn to him and he returns my smile before reaching out and brushing a stray hair from my head.

The words bubble up from my chest and the smile on his face causes my heart to glow. He repeats my words back to me and I lean in to kiss him.

My eyes open, the same eyes that were filled with so much love now stare back at me cold and unfeeling. He tells me to just say it, to pull the trigger. I can feel a tear slip from my eye and trace my cheek.

“Why don’t you say it?” my voice cracks as I ask him. I can’t help it now, the tears that I’ve been holding back these past weeks start to pour down, “Why do I have to do it?”

His eyes soften for half a second before they harden once more, “Because I don’t want this to happen.”

“Well it has to,” my voice is stronger this time. A cold edge seeping into it as, “I won’t live like this anymore.”

I blink and I’m taken away once more. This time it’s night, I’m alone in my room. I clutch a pillow as I sob trying to muffle the sounds coming from my mouth. There’s a buzz as my phone lights up and I spare it a glance to see it’s from him. I take my phone and turn it on silent and return to my crying.

My eyes open as I stare at him. A thousand missed moments has led me here. I won’t miss this one.

“I want to break up.”


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