Journal 0029

Exams are done, fuck knows how those went. Trying to move on with my life, I’m finding it hard. I keep thinking back and I know I shouldn’t be, and blah blah blah. I really just want a smoke, but I can’t because I’m at home, and it’s cold out and I feel trapped in this goddam house.

I want to go out and be somewhere with people…

I should message my friends, but I’ don’t want to be shot down and that’s terrifying to me. I need to message my ex-partner too that they need to change their FB profile picture. It’s STILL of the two of us and now it’s starting to really bother me.

I just don’t want to be stuck where I am currently.

I went out downtown the Friday after my last exam, and it was fun? I guess, I don’t know. I still really hate going downtown, I mean yeah I have fun I guess, but I’d much rather have a low-key evening watching a TV show and eating in then go out. Not that it matters as I’m alone now.

I’m so alone. So incredibly alone. There’s nothing I can do.

Whatever.

I want a drink. I want a smoke. I just do not want to be where I am right now.  It might be easier for me to go Guelph today. I might do that. Or I can just leave tomorrow around noon and catch the bus there. I might do that. I’m probably going to do that.

At least in Guelph I can make bad decisions.

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