Journal 0033

Let’s open Pandora’s box! Well, not actually of course as the true Pandora’s box in my life would be far darker and not nearly as fun to poke fun at (or would it?), but let’s look at some of my “journal” posts that I wrote when I was younger!

Now, I say “journal”, because when I was younger my dad made (one of his many) attempts to make me a smarter and more well-rounded person, by forcing me to write at least one hundred words every week, this eventually grew to writing over a thousand words and was pretty much the only stable homework that I really had to do as a child.

Let’s start with the first one I can find on my hard drive. It’s dated Tuesday, June 9th 2009.

Yesterday I started to ride my bike to school. Riding my bike to school is an exciting thing to add to my commute to school and back. There are many good things and many bad things that came along with riding my bike to school. Good things were that I got to ride my bike to school and I also get to leave at eight o’clock and not being late because of traffic, its odd because riding my bike is faster than being driven to school. Bad thing that came with riding my bike to school are that I have to go home at three ten or else I will not be allowed to ride to school anymore. Riding to school is really calming and I love the feeling of riding though the cold air and being able to choose when I want to leave. Riding to school is a great thing and I love it.

Dear sweet god. Well… it’s very easy to see that this was written seven years ago when I was 13. Aside from my general lack of… deeper thought, looking at this just hurts me. Haha, there isn’t really anything here to dive into, so let’s just keep going until we find something more juicy.

This one is titled, “Happy Birthday Mom” and is dated 03/22/2010. A little bit farther in the future compared to the last one.

Happy Birthday Mom!

My mom is an amazing and wonderful person because my mom does so many wonderful and amazing things for our family. She cooks all of our meals even when she’s really tired after work, makes sure that everyone in the morning wakes up on time, always asks if I’ve forgotten to bring something to school, and if I ever really get sick or hurt she’s always there to look after me. Even if sometimes I think she’s annoying I love my mom for all of the reason above and more!

I have hundreds of fun stories all about great times the two of us have shared together. One of my earliest and favorite memories of my mother is when I think, I’m 6 or 7 years old and my mother and I were late for a plane so we were running at top speed towards the plane. We nearly crashed into a flight attendant and just barley made it into the plane. This is a treasured memory because even if it wasn’t supposed to be it was a great fun time and reminds me just how much fun she can be.

For her upcoming birthday, I hope to show her just how much I love her. For a present I hope to actually give some physical object this year (instead of a chore coupon book), a great present to give her would be something useful that will help her with cooking or cleaning. A present that will make her relax after a hard day of work, something to lessen the workload she has everyday. I should also change my lifestyle in order to help my mom and the rest of my family.

No matter what I’m talking about she will always listen to me. My mom will always ask what I’m doing; she will always give me company and ask if I want some one to hang out with. She asks if I’m bored and she always has my best wishes at heart. When the weather is nice she engorges me to go outside and when the weather’s bad not to. She has shaped me into who I am and who I aspire to become. My mom will always talk, listen or play with me.

There are some things that I do that I know just make my mom more tired. I tend to throw my dirty clothing on my bed floor which my mom has to pick-up, I leave many thing in my pockets, I don’t pay enough attention to her, and I can be really cold and uncaring at times. I know that these things are annoying to her and try to stop them, but trying is not good enough; I will work twice as hard to correct these self flaws and not get her anymore tired than she needs to be.

In all of my life (that’s 13 years) I knew my mom was a special and wonderful person. She looks out for me, worries for me and makes sure that at all times I am safe and sound. She takes interest into what I’m doing or what I’m talking about and keeps me company and conversation even after a long day of work. I will never stop loving my mom because of all the amazing and wonderful things she dose and is.

This must have been after my dad increased my word count from 100 words to 500 as I can’t fathom another reason for my rambling. That or my mom was the one who was going to read my journal this week and I was trying to suck up a lot. Side note would be that I don’t recall actually getting my mother anything aside from a cheap chore book when I was 13. I probably just piggybacked off of my sister and claimed the gift was from both of us…

Okay, one last one, this one I think will have more to make fun of. Titled, “One Common Characteristic in Pop Songs”, and dated 02/20/2011. I remember writing this, and at the time I so strongly felt what I was writing, and looking back I can only shake my head at how young and stupid I was.

One Common Characteristic in Pop Songs

In almost all the pop songs I have ever listened to in my entire life, they all seem to deal with the one stupid nonsensical topic of a certain four-letter L word. Yes you guessed it love, why love? Sure it seems to be a perfectly fine topic for people that have already felt it and gone past it, but for young people like Justin Bieber to be singing about such an adult broad topic like love? It makes no sense and it only takes away from the otherwise okay music. I mean even adults in their twenties or even thirties may not feel actual romantic love. It happens so rarely and usually too much older people than sixteen or fourteen year olds. I myself being fourteen would rather just play video games than find “love”. To add to this they all sing/talk like they have not only been through true love but that this “love” has hurt them to such a degree that they felt like there is no reason to continue there live. Really? In your entire maybe what sixteen years of life you have had your heart broken more than once, and you honestly think that I am going to beilebe this crap. The next time you listen to a song and you hear some fourteen or sixteen year-old child singing about love, ignore it, listen to the song and if the song is good well then it can be excused, although if the song is bad, feel free to rant and if you end in an argument with someone about the song bring this up.

There you have it, 14 year old me, being the super thoughtful and deep person I was, ranting about how pop songs were about love. This was written of course in at a time where I never felt romantic love or understood why people become so infatuated with it. Looking back at my other posts, one should easily understand that my feelings on how people haven’t felt romantic love have changed. Though- I guess my point on how most teenagers haven’t felt stands? Actually rereading this, and looking back- it fills me with this hope. This hope that I’m just another misled young person, who’s felt strong feelings and doesn’t quite really know the entire story about what love could be.

I mean- I am only 20. That’s really nothing in the grand scheme of things. As much as I hate to think it I will probably be around for another twenty years, and then another, and then who knows. A couple great heartbreaks in my first twenty years isn’t that bad. A whole giant mass of great memories outweighs the bad. I can’t focus on the bad- well I can, I just shouldn’t. It does me nothing to dwell on them. It does me everything to remember the good times, the times where I felt happiest and to work my hardest to find those moments again in life.

I can only learn from my mistakes, and ensure that I’m a better person. That’s really all I can do.

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