Hey how drunk am i

Sp drunk so drunk Gesundheit 

Yeah okay I stop now 


I at an event right for engineering. Very drunk so this post won’t make any sense but yeah.. I just can’t quite understand why I I here.

Very high and drunk right now. Had too rewrite the last line like eight times..

But yeah. I’m single and lonely and i don’t understand what I’m here for. 

It’s like a heavy sediment,
usually staying deeper under the water.

But, it brings itself upwards,
reaches the sky and makes itself known.

I know that it shouldn’t matter,
but it still hurts.

Everything hurts.

Life is a lonely journey when you’ve got no one to share it with.

What is wrong with me. What is wrong with everything. What is wrong.

I don’t know. I don’t know anymore.

Fuck everything.

I’m a shitty person. I know that. Although, even if the this knowledge should make me want to change it doesn’t.

I used to hate my very being. I used to hate myself so much more. I used to loath my existence and wish I was dead.

Now though, I like myself. I have some semblance of self-respect for who I am. It’s been a long uphill battle to reach where I am- and I just want to enjoy that.

Even though I am a shitty person. Even though I’m a terrible person.

Just let me bask in my own awfulness.

I can’t sleep. 

Well more accurately, I don’t want to sleep. 

I’m really lonely I guess. 

I’m still not used to be alone when I go to bed. It’s weird, good think that I would have been used to by now. 

Oh well. 

There’s nothing I can really do besides power through it no? 

Who cares, I care.
Why do I care?

My heart was torn,
broken into a hundred pieces.

I try to catch my breath,
but I lost it with my heart.

I close my eyes,
I can’t see anything anyways.

Who cares. I care.
I care so much.
I don’t get it.
I don’t try to.

I’ll fall more times then I’ll stand.
I’ll trip more times then I’ll step.

I care. Who cares?
No one else does. No one else will. No one else can.

I’m alone.
From now, to the end of time.

I don’t believe that do I? I hope beyond hope for something more one day. I hate being alone. I hate it. This is of my own doing though. This of my own actions and accord. I am alone by choice, be it conscious or not.