Warm bubbling from below the heart, fills the body and soul.

Without a clouded thought in my head, or perhaps with only misty visions,

I think myself happy.

Mayhap, my own thoughts tainted by drink, unknown to my true self, are the only thoughts I should keep.

They feel real, so why not believe in them.

Even if my daily life is tainted by less than happy beliefs, I choose to believe my current mind.

The drink bringing me feelings that my own sober mine can only question.

I am who I am, the world can only hold my thoughts back when I am not in touch with it.

Is there a truer me than that set free by the temptations of the world?

I think not.

I think the real world I fear is but an illusion built from years of doubt.

The world I see now is what truly lies.

If the lie is so sweet, why fight it?

To fight it, is to offer the chance of loss. To make rely accept is to only have victory.


Hey how drunk am i

Sp drunk so drunk Gesundheit 

Yeah okay I stop now 

I at an event right for engineering. Very drunk so this post won’t make any sense but yeah.. I just can’t quite understand why I I here.

Very high and drunk right now. Had too rewrite the last line like eight times..

But yeah. I’m single and lonely and i don’t understand what I’m here for. 

It’s like a heavy sediment,
usually staying deeper under the water.

But, it brings itself upwards,
reaches the sky and makes itself known.

I know that it shouldn’t matter,
but it still hurts.

Everything hurts.

Life is a lonely journey when you’ve got no one to share it with.

What is wrong with me. What is wrong with everything. What is wrong.

I don’t know. I don’t know anymore.

Fuck everything.

I’m a shitty person. I know that. Although, even if the this knowledge should make me want to change it doesn’t.

I used to hate my very being. I used to hate myself so much more. I used to loath my existence and wish I was dead.

Now though, I like myself. I have some semblance of self-respect for who I am. It’s been a long uphill battle to reach where I am- and I just want to enjoy that.

Even though I am a shitty person. Even though I’m a terrible person.

Just let me bask in my own awfulness.

I can’t sleep. 

Well more accurately, I don’t want to sleep. 

I’m really lonely I guess. 

I’m still not used to be alone when I go to bed. It’s weird, good think that I would have been used to by now. 

Oh well. 

There’s nothing I can really do besides power through it no?