It’s like a heavy sediment,
usually staying deeper under the water.
But, it brings itself upwards,
reaches the sky and makes itself known.
I know that it shouldn’t matter,
but it still hurts.
Life is a lonely journey when you’ve got no one to share it with.
What is wrong with me. What is wrong with everything. What is wrong.
I don’t know. I don’t know anymore.
I’m a shitty person. I know that. Although, even if the this knowledge should make me want to change it doesn’t.
I used to hate my very being. I used to hate myself so much more. I used to loath my existence and wish I was dead.
Now though, I like myself. I have some semblance of self-respect for who I am. It’s been a long uphill battle to reach where I am- and I just want to enjoy that.
Even though I am a shitty person. Even though I’m a terrible person.
Just let me bask in my own awfulness.
I can’t sleep.
Well more accurately, I don’t want to sleep.
I’m really lonely I guess.
I’m still not used to be alone when I go to bed. It’s weird, good think that I would have been used to by now.
There’s nothing I can really do besides power through it no?
Who cares, I care.
Why do I care?
My heart was torn,
broken into a hundred pieces.
I try to catch my breath,
but I lost it with my heart.
I close my eyes,
I can’t see anything anyways.
Who cares. I care.
I care so much.
I don’t get it.
I don’t try to.
I’ll fall more times then I’ll stand.
I’ll trip more times then I’ll step.
I care. Who cares?
No one else does. No one else will. No one else can.
From now, to the end of time.
I don’t believe that do I? I hope beyond hope for something more one day. I hate being alone. I hate it. This is of my own doing though. This of my own actions and accord. I am alone by choice, be it conscious or not.
I guess what I need to realize is whether I would rather be happy or busy.
I forgot how I loath flirting and meeting people.