Journal 0040

So- my life is in fucking shambles. I say this- but well I guess relativity it’s not. It just really fucking feels like it.

Planning for the convention has been going soooooo great. I say this with most sarcasm and venom that one could have when speaking about anything. The world seems to be conspiring to ensure that I have the most stressful of times.

I can feel my hair turning white and I want to scream and rip out my own arm to beat myself to death with.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

For fuck’s sake.

But yeah-

Fucking peachy.

That’s my life.

Journal 0039

I don’t feel like I’m drowning anymore, I just feel like I’ve already drowned.

I feel buried. I feel like I’ve been placed in a deep pit of cement and left to simply be numb for half the day and then vibrant and full of energy the other.

I pride myself in being able to understand why I feel things, at least that’s what I’ve told myself. I’ve tried to trick myself into being an introspective person when really the thing that terrifies me the most is my own thoughts. I don’t understand anything. I just think back to when I was younger- and I start to realize that I haven’t really grown at all. I’ve just- the exact same person deep down. I’ve not a bigger person, I haven’t grown.

I just hide behind the facade and patterns that I can copy from others. I realize now that- there’s something wrong with me socially. There is. The only reason I’m able to speak to other people in normal ways is that I’ve copied responses to common questions and actions from things I’ve seen. Anytime I actually react to something- anytime that my real feelings come to front and I’m left without a template to copy from I’m lost. No amount of self-discussion can give me the right words to say.

I have to fuck up. I have to fuck up over and over again before I’m able to learn. I’m a stupid person, I really am.

I’m so fucking stupid.

It’s like a heavy sediment,
usually staying deeper under the water.

But, it brings itself upwards,
reaches the sky and makes itself known.

I know that it shouldn’t matter,
but it still hurts.

Everything hurts.

Life is a lonely journey when you’ve got no one to share it with.

What is wrong with me. What is wrong with everything. What is wrong.

I don’t know. I don’t know anymore.

Fuck everything.

Solo DnD – Tyranny of Dragons – Appendix 01

So- after a few encounters I’ve realized that there is pretty much no way that we’re going to be able to complete this book without some kind of NPC aid. However, as best as I know there isn’t really specific rules on how to handle permanent NPC companions. Now- I could handle this the way I would normally, by making PCs and treating them like NPCs, but-

That’s not really going to work when I’m also the PC. Therefore- we’re going to make some different rules on how to handle these Companions Characters (CC) in this game.

We’re going to start by using their base NPC character blocks. For example, let’s say we have a Commoner join us for our adventure. Here’s their statblock.

Now- that’s fine but when they actually start killing creatures and gaining XP, that’s not going to make sense to just keep these blocks. There’s two ways that I can see us leveling them up. First option- when they gather enough XP we give them actual PC levels in a class that makes thematic sense. For example, say our commoner spends most of their time cowering behind cover and throwing daggers or firing crossbow bolts at enemies. Logically- that means that this creature should either become a Fighter or a Roguethe real clincher to deciding what they would become; would be if there is a character with PC levels to train them in that class! I like this for a bunch of reasons- but mostly because this means that they would be stronger on an easy to measure scale.

The other way that I was thinking of- would be a more evolution like method. In this case, when the CC gains enough XP they can change their statblock into another NPCs. Let’s look at our commoner again- in this case when they’ve gained a certain amount of XP- they can become a Guard! Let’s take a look at that statblock.

So- we need to figure out how much XP it would require for a Commoner to change into a Guard. Now the thing that stands out to me for making this transition would be the Challenge rating. Now- just as it is, it is kind of low. It would only require a Commoner to only kill a single Kobold. So, let’s increase the amount of XP required based directly on the Challenge rating. I’m thinking of simply multiplying it by 4 times. So in this case it would mean that our Commoner needs 100 XP before they can evolve into a Guard. I like this method. I don’t really have strong reasons why- but I like it. It also limits how strong a CC can get, as they still need some kind of statblock to evolve into. I’m probably going to use this one.

But yeah- so that’s how we’re going to be handling CCs in this game.

Solo DnD – Tyranny of Dragons – Session 2: Combats and Combats and Combats

Link to Sheet

Right, so here we go. Next thing that the book requires us to do is to make our way to the keep. We were supposed to get directions towards it from Cuth and Linan, but since one of them died a horrific death and the other has fled with their children (no doubt to die), we instead have to wing our way there… yeah this isn’t going to go well.Read More »